by: D.G. Kaye
How does one review a heart, soul and mind book like this? Does one say it’s well written? It answers very human questions in an ordinary way that all can understand? Many of us will go through this, so it’s a helpful read?
A Journey Through Loss
Written by D.G.Kaye, after the death of her husband, the love of her life; this helpful book speaks from the pain of experience. She is not a therapist, nor a psychiatrist, nor a professional healer of any sort. And she is right up front about that fact.
In her own words “I devoured books on everything from grief to the afterlife, always striving to make sense of the roller coaster ride I was on,”
I think the best way to impart something more of this book is to speak directly to D. G.
Resa – The cover of your book has the words: Shock, Fog, Anger, Triggers, Guilt, Anxiety and Denial swirling in a circle. At first I thought the words were repeating in order, but upon a closer look, I realize that they are not in any order, but do repeat. How did you come up with it? Why the words are not in any order?
D.G. – For this cover, the concept came to me immediately.
Grief is like an ongoing spiral with ups and downs. The words inside are just some of the phases grievers experience. The fact that the words are in no particular order and some not repeated is precisely how grief works.
We may visit phases over and over again through time, and some may dissipate with time. Thus, the grief spiral is far from linear but, more chaotic.
It was above 0c and cloudy out, not a peep of sun in the sky. A perfect day to shoot a shadow free piece of wall art, that seemed perfect for this post. It was only a 20 minute walk to get there.
Suddenly, as I arrived, it became a sunny day with nary a cloud in the sky. There was a barren tree’s shadow over the painting. I shot it anyway. To me, there is something poetic in this image, that relates to grief – something about the shadow.
Resa – Debby, can you see why I think that? Can you put it into words?
D.G. – Oh wow Resa. I love the shot with the tree’s shadow. If I were to relate it to grief I would say that when you love deep, it’s like carrying sunshine in your heart. And when you lose that love of your life, despite all the horribleness, there will be days when the obstinate clouds clear and the sun shines through, although the shadow of grief is never too far away.
Resa – Perfectly, poetically and profound said.
After the pics were taken, there was still not a cloud in the sky. So, I hopped on a streetcar, heading home. About 3 stops later, Suddenly, it clouded over. There was nary a crack of sun to find.
Resa – This seemed mystical to me, Debby. Does this touch you, or am I just a sentimental fool?
D.G. – Oh no Resa, you may be sentimental – like me, but no fool. I love that you were working on this post and came across these poignant images in your travels.
Remembering that grief is love with nowhere to go, the image reminds that even without sunshine, the shadow of love always sticks with us. Not to mention, it reminds me of the Tree of Life – rain or shine, we are branches off the Tree of Life where memories live deep within, sometimes shadowed, but always there.
In the book D.G. writes:
“In the aftermath comes the loss of us. Our grief replaces replaces the lives we once knew.”
Resa – Has writing this book been cathartic? Has it helped you to replace that life lost, with a new life?
D.G. – In some ways this book was cathartic to write, but in many other ways, it was difficult to write; because to write, dredging the info up meant remembering moments that could take my breath away and have me leaving the computer for an emotional break.
In no way did writing this book help to replace that ‘life lost’, as nothing ever could. That life is no longer tangible, but seared in my heart.
But, the book offers a lot of understanding of the trials and tribulations of the process of grieving through time, understanding that it’s difficult to let go of a life you’re familiar with when it’s snatched from you, with the importance of eventually finding our way back into a new way of living.
Thank you to D.G. Kaye (Debby to her pals) for her time answering my questions! Debby, I appreciate this more than I can say!
Meet D.G. Kaye
Congratulations to Debby for being officially in the top 5% of Goodreads Reviewers!
About the Real Stages of Grief is available world wide at Amazon.
“Personally, I don’t believe there is any cure for grief. It’s not a disease that we will get over and feel better about tomorrow. Rather, it’s a new addition to our lives, one we must become acquainted with.” – D. G. Kaye
Pics taken by Resa – 2023 – 2025
Toronto, Canada
The artists in vertical order:
The Dreamers, Julia Praza, One Day Creates, Unknown, Blackburn, Unknown, Chris Perez, Vizla Bacon, Blazeworks, Adrain Corne
Graffiti Lux Art & More 
Debby, You’ve done a huge service by writing this book. Grieving is the hardest thing in life , perhaps with the exception of the loss. Thank you for writing this, it must have been cathartic and soul crushing at the same time. Sending you love .
💓💙
Resa, thank you so much for this interview with Debbie. Its subject is one we will all face. Sending you so much love!
xoxoxoxo
You are welcome!
Sending love back, dear Holly.
Debby wrote a really good book for us. The crazy thing is that her experience gained knowledge is applicable beyond the loss of a much loved spouse.
xoxoxoxoxo
Writing on this subject would have to come from the very deepest depths. It does take a lot of courage and effort.
Debby, I’m so sorry for your loss! I imagine, as Rene wrote, that writing this book must have been both “cathartic and soul crushing.” I’m certain that your book will help many process their own grief. Wishing you all the best.
Resa, I love the tree-shadowed painting–the first shot in particular. It does seem poignant.
Thank you, Merril!
Yes, the entire tree shadow experience was like … living poetry.
Not sure of the exact words, but mystic comes to mind! 💙
You’re welcome, Resa. Trees are full of mysticism–so are shadows. 😉
A great meaningful book. Very striking book cover too. It makes a lot of sense. Thanks for sharing Resa. As for the art works… fantastic.
Thank you Michael!
It was an honour to interview Debby about this book.
You’re welcome, Resa. Professionally done.
I will recommend this book to a blogger friend that has lost her beloved husband some years ago! Thank you for presenting “About The Real Stages of Grief”!
Stay safe, dear Resa. xoxo
You are welcome, dear Martha!
The book is very helpful, especially in the sense that one gets to understand they are not alone.
You stay safe too! xxoo
Great and poignant conversation, Resa and Debby — and the images really added to it. The loss of a loved one is devastating; writing about it (I did that myself as part of a 2012 book) helps a little but of course only a little.
Thank you Dave!
Yes, loss of loved ones is not easy. I’m grateful Debby has helped us, by helping herself, even if as you say, “of course only a little.”
“Debby has helped us, by helping herself” — VERY well said, Resa.
Resa, thank you for sharing this beautiful and personal interview/chat between you and Debby. I’ve read this book and in the process of writing a review and definitely not easy with such a subject matter. It is touching to read Debby’s answers here, and understandably a very difficult book to write and to revisit the emotions in detail must have been heartbreaking. Oh, I love her thoughts on your photograph, the shadow of grief never far away even on the sunniest of day. Bless. hugs to you both xx
Dear Annika,
You are right! It is not easy to write a review about this. Having a chat with Debby helped me pull it together.
I adore her frankness and honesty in talking about this subject.
I look forward to your review.
That tree shadow photo was a poignant experience I’ll never forget.
Hugs back to you! xx
Hugs for Debby! xx
What a delicious post. The book the art the humanity. Thank you, Resa.
You are most welcome, Violet!
Thank you for taking the time to read.
This post is super. I really enjoyed the interview and what stunning images ❤️
Thank. you, Esther!
Debby wrote a great book! 💓💙
Debby is an excellent writer and blogging friend.. And reading your conversation, I can only imagine how difficult this book must have been to write. And the analogy between you taking the photos of the mural with the shadows.. Again, nothing is by chance… And like Debby said… those shadows are constantly within you, even when we see are embracing the Sun… A lovely conversation between you both Resa… And I loved your lay out and the images you presenting, each one a meaningful addition to those stages of grief.. Much love to you both xx ❤ 🙏💖
I feel like you say, Sue, nothing is by chance.
Debby’s analogy is brilliant.
It’s been a life journey reading her book, chatting with her, and doing this post.
She’s a wonderful person, and I am honoured to know her.
Love to you, Sue! xoxo💙💓
Likewise Resa… We are very privileged here in WP to get to know some wonderful Human Hearts .. and I count you among them..
Sending love right back xx 💕💖💕
Wonderful introduction to Debby, grief, loss, and how we cope. Your mural pairings are perfect Resa, and thanks for sharing your pain and insights Debby.
Thank you Brad!
Debby has written an important, helpful book. I’m honoured to be her pal.
😊
Debby is one of my favorite bloggers and writers. I always appreciate the honesty with which she writes in her memoirs. Readers want to identify with the writer, and one way this happens is by the author building trust by sharing the ups and downs of their life, which we can all relate to.
Resa, what a thoughtful and compassionate reflection. Grief is so difficult to speak about honestly, and what comes through here is the understanding that it is not something to be explained away or neatly ordered. Debby is an extraordinary writer. Her compassion comes through as she describes grief as a spiral rather than a straight line. That feels deeply true to lived experience. Pairing her words with images and conversation creates a kind of shared space, one where reflection, memory, and presence can coexist. There is something quietly healing about this kind of collaboration. When art, lived experience, and listening come together without trying to resolve grief, but simply allowing it to be acknowledged and seen. Thank you for holding space for that Debby and Resa. This is a wonderful, wonderful conversation.
It is a strange thing to say about a post on grief, but this is quietly beautiful, the words, the images, the spirals., xxxxxx ladies.
It’s amazing how one great book and one amazing artist combines forces and create an sensational post that truly ignites the senses, Reza. I love the words the artists , the captures and how you brought this to light in living color, Resa. It’s just gorgeous. Debbie has to be elated! She’s an amazing writer!!! xxx
I can’t forget: “…grief is love with nowhere to go.”
This sounds like a very powerful book. Thank you for writing it, Debby for writing it and Resa for bringing it to us in such a powerful way.
A few friends have been in the situation. I don’t think you can offer advice, but personal experience has a part to play in healing xx