by: D.G. Kaye
How does one review a heart, soul and mind book like this? Does one say it’s well written? It answers very human questions in an ordinary way that all can understand? Many of us will go through this, so it’s a helpful read?
A Journey Through Loss
Written by D.G.Kaye, after the death of her husband, the love of her life; this helpful book speaks from the pain of experience. She is not a therapist, nor a psychiatrist, nor a professional healer of any sort. And she is right up front about that fact.
In her own words “I devoured books on everything from grief to the afterlife, always striving to make sense of the roller coaster ride I was on,”
I think the best way to impart something more of this book is to speak directly to D. G.
Resa – The cover of your book has the words: Shock, Fog, Anger, Triggers, Guilt, Anxiety and Denial swirling in a circle. At first I thought the words were repeating in order, but upon a closer look, I realize that they are not in any order, but do repeat. How did you come up with it? Why the words are not in any order?
D.G. – For this cover, the concept came to me immediately.
Grief is like an ongoing spiral with ups and downs. The words inside are just some of the phases grievers experience. The fact that the words are in no particular order and some not repeated is precisely how grief works.
We may visit phases over and over again through time, and some may dissipate with time. Thus, the grief spiral is far from linear but, more chaotic.
It was above 0c and cloudy out, not a peep of sun in the sky. A perfect day to shoot a shadow free piece of wall art, that seemed perfect for this post. It was only a 20 minute walk to get there.
Suddenly, as I arrived, it became a sunny day with nary a cloud in the sky. There was a barren tree’s shadow over the painting. I shot it anyway. To me, there is something poetic in this image, that relates to grief – something about the shadow.
Resa – Debby, can you see why I think that? Can you put it into words?
D.G. – Oh wow Resa. I love the shot with the tree’s shadow. If I were to relate it to grief I would say that when you love deep, it’s like carrying sunshine in your heart. And when you lose that love of your life, despite all the horribleness, there will be days when the obstinate clouds clear and the sun shines through, although the shadow of grief is never too far away.
Resa – Perfectly, poetically and profound said.
After the pics were taken, there was still not a cloud in the sky. So, I hopped on a streetcar, heading home. About 3 stops later, Suddenly, it clouded over. There was nary a crack of sun to find.
Resa – This seemed mystical to me, Debby. Does this touch you, or am I just a sentimental fool?
D.G. – Oh no Resa, you may be sentimental – like me, but no fool. I love that you were working on this post and came across these poignant images in your travels.
Remembering that grief is love with nowhere to go, the image reminds that even without sunshine, the shadow of love always sticks with us. Not to mention, it reminds me of the Tree of Life – rain or shine, we are branches off the Tree of Life where memories live deep within, sometimes shadowed, but always there.
In the book D.G. writes:
“In the aftermath comes the loss of us. Our grief replaces replaces the lives we once knew.”
Resa – Has writing this book been cathartic? Has it helped you to replace that life lost, with a new life?
D.G. – In some ways this book was cathartic to write, but in many other ways, it was difficult to write; because to write, dredging the info up meant remembering moments that could take my breath away and have me leaving the computer for an emotional break.
In no way did writing this book help to replace that ‘life lost’, as nothing ever could. That life is no longer tangible, but seared in my heart.
But, the book offers a lot of understanding of the trials and tribulations of the process of grieving through time, understanding that it’s difficult to let go of a life you’re familiar with when it’s snatched from you, with the importance of eventually finding our way back into a new way of living.
Thank you to D.G. Kaye (Debby to her pals) for her time answering my questions! Debby, I appreciate this more than I can say!
Meet D.G. Kaye
Congratulations to Debby for being officially in the top 5% of Goodreads Reviewers!
About the Real Stages of Grief is available world wide at Amazon.
“Personally, I don’t believe there is any cure for grief. It’s not a disease that we will get over and feel better about tomorrow. Rather, it’s a new addition to our lives, one we must become acquainted with.” – D. G. Kaye
Pics taken by Resa – 2023 – 2025
Toronto, Canada
The artists in vertical order:
The Dreamers, Julia Praza, One Day Creates, Unknown, Blackburn, Unknown, Chris Perez, Vizla Bacon, Blazeworks, Adrain Corne
Graffiti Lux Art & More 
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